Fourth Annual Beer Olympics

Bar Game Olympics IV was an auspicious day. Held on the 75th anniversary of the repeal of Prohibition, it was an apt day to celebrate beer. One last-second cancellation – I’m talking 11am before the Opening Ceremony at noon – left us in the lurch. Luckily, our man was willing and able to fill in. A slightly controversial early departure by Will was made known, but a planned afternoon switch with Rade would make it work. Better to have a new partner than none at all.

In attendance: Will, Jabe, Adi, Adi’s friend Tommy, Jason, Bee, Mike, and me.
After the Opening Ceremony, we proceeded to the first event, bowling. Before the event starts, teams were selected through the patent-pending BGOGC method. Without giving away too much, it involves small pieces of paper and a hat or similar concavity.
First team drawn: Adi and Jabe.
A formidable duo. Adi is a two-time Champ, winning back-to-back years in Bar Games II and III. Jabe is not only a professional athlete, but is good at every game I’ve seen him play, from ping-pong to ice hockey.

Second team drawn: Tommy and J.
This team is a dark horse, for sure. Both are newcomers to the games but both have been following the games for years. Strangers to one another, they share a common drive to prove that they belong and, more than that, win it all.

Third team drawn: Mike and Will.
This a powerful twosome, each playing to the other’s weakness. Mike’s strengths are experience, a strong showing at the shufflepuck inauguration in III, and an unrivaled hand at the erotic photo hunt. Mike’s weakness is the yard. Will is Yard Race record holder, one of the stronger darters, as well as a reliable all-rounder in bowling and pool.

Fourth team drawn: Bee and Charlie.
Bee and I could not have been more thrilled. Award-winning College Beirut partners, teammates in all imaginable sports, and drinking buddies, we felt confident. Bee is a first-rate Yard Race, a strong bowler and darter. My strengths have typically been shufflepuck, pool, and Buck Hunter. My biggest weakness is easily the Yard Race.

Bowling
Adi + Jabe – 114 + 142 = 256
Tommy + J – 147 + 81 = 228
Mike + Will – 108 + 178 = 186
Bee + Charlie – 133 + 95 = 228

Mike's Infamous Sidebowl

Despite needing just six pins in the final frame, I choked, hitting exactly five, tying us for second, and only earning us 2.5 points.

Bowling Scores

Standings after one event
Adi/Jabe – 4 points; Tommy/J – 2.5 points; Bee/C – 2.5 points; Mike/Will – 1 point.

Shufflepuck and pool were combined at Plug Uglies where we walked in around 2pm to find the bartender eating lunch having just unlocked the doors.
In round robin play here’s how shufflepuck finished up:
Mike/Will took first, Bee/Charlie in second, Adi/Jabe took third, and Tommy/J in fourth.

Adi and Tommy compete in puck.

In pool, Tommy and J came roaring back, taking a critical first place. Bee and I maintained with second place, Mike and Will came in third, and Adi and Jabe took an uncharacteristic (especially for Ad) fourth place.

After three events:
Bee/C – 8.5 points; Tommy/J – 7.5 points; Adi/Jabe – 7 points; Mike/Will – 7 point.
It’s still very much anybody’s game, particularly with the Yard Race approaching. The Yard Race really is the great equalizer and the only necessarily alcohol-related event of these most heralded of games.

Last year was a record-setting day of Phelpsian proportions at the Gingerman. The previous record of 48 seconds set by Owen and Will was beyond the four-minute mile. It was untouchable. Their combined passing and chugging abilities were a maelstrom of disappearing lager. However, that record was crushed twice last year, and the current record sat at 38 seconds, held by Adi and Bee, who went on to win it all in III.

I’d like it to be known that this was our fourth consecutive year. We entered the Gingerman and asked for the requisite glassware, only to be rebuffed and told they were “for show”. We sent our lawyer (Will) and our most-respectable and charming participant (also Will) to talk to the management. Needless, to say we persevered, though one of the giant glasses was missing – no doubt broken by some unprofessional clod.

Yard by Yard

We used two glasses, letting two teams participate at a time. This prevented the awkward meeting of bulbs that often occurs when eight slightly inebriated contestants stand in a semi-circle and lift a three-foot glass at the same time. Gingerman management, take heed: We will be back this year. Please do not deny us.

With Max timing us, we set out. Fourth place went to Adi and Jabe whose chugging abilities while not poor, did not do them any great service. A poor pass also hampered them and they limped in after 1:20. Tommy and J came in third, around 1:15 or so, while Bee and I completed the drink in a minute flat.

However, there was awe amongst the many onlookers at the Gingerman this day. Mike, who started for his team, breathed in beer and nearly drowned himself. Will, seeing his partner in distress, grabbed the chalice and lifted it to the sky as though sounding a great oliphant to Charlemagne himself. Max, slack-jawed at the performance, barely remembered to tell us our time of one minute. Will and Mike had completed the Yard Race in a mere 28 seconds. In the presence of life-altering events, people remember moments differently. Will recalls a 26-second draft, while other recall up to 31 seconds. Either one is a Herculean feat.

A Champion at Work

Following the Yard, was Darts. Ship of Fools and its multiple boards gives us the most economical way to perform this event. Likewise, they have Big Buck Hunter and outstanding wings. Bee/Charlie came in first, then Adi/Jabe, Tommy/J, and finally, Mike/Will.

After the Yard and Darts, the standings:
Bee/Charlie – 15.5; Mike/Will – 12; Tommy/J – 11.5; Adi/Jabe – 11

With two events left, Big Buck Hunter and Erotic Photo Hunt, Bee and I knew we had to perform with the plastic shotgun. Will and Mike are both seasoned BBH marksmen, and Mike’s nude image sleuthing is legendary.

Jaber on BBH

Adi and Jabe went first, posting individual scores of 4642 and 4505, respectively. Strong showings, considering our mental states at this point after a day of fierce competition and cheap tap beer.
Bee and I were next. Bee put up a seemingly overpowering 5320, while I put virtual White Tailed Deer on the endangered species list with a 6310. Mike, with new partner Rade, shot an outstanding 4674. This could be enough to push them ahead as Rade, fresh from work and ready to kill, put up a 5283. Tommy and J, perhaps out of figurative ammunition, posted 3786 and 3896.
BBH Totals:
C/B – 11630; Mike/Rado – 9957; Adi/Jabe – 9147; T/J – 7682.

With only photo hunt remaining, we had previously decided to move onto Aces and Eights, in case a tie-break Beirut game was necessary. However, with our win on the gun Bee and I clinched the Gold and decided to celebrate by, well, playing Beirut.

Photo Hunt #1. Or is that a 2?

Photo hunt tallies:

Mike + Rade – 375044 + 204300 = 579344

J + Tommy – 235250 + 325464 = 560714

Jabe + Adi – 213942 + 145500 = 359442

Bee + Charlie – 191724 + 95553 = 287277

The final tallies on the day:

First Place: Bee and Charlie – 20.5 Points
Second Place: Mike and Rado/Will – 19 Points
Third Place: Adi and Jabe – 15 Points
Fourth Place: Tommy and Jason – 13.5 Points

All in all, a successful Olympiad, my first win and Bee’s second consecutive. With newcomers and visitors, World Records, and Beirut, it was one for the history books. Or at least the beer blog.

A Disappointed Adi had hoped for a three-peat. Charlie, left, finish first with Bee. Mike, right, finished second with Will and Rade.

Beer Olympics Update

Bee (my partner and co-winner of the fourth annual Bar Game Olympiad) sent me a timely link.

It serves as an inelegant reminder that Bar Olympiad V is in the planning phases.

Of course, it also reminds me that the write-up for Olympiad IV is absent and that I have spoiled the outcome for all you loyal readers. Who am I kidding? Half my readers were at those Games.

Anyway, I hope that all prospective athletes are in the throes of training. Likewise, the Games’ Committee is considering new regulatory action to prevent last-minute bail-outs and mid-event switches. Slackletes: be forewarned, and be prepared!

Third Annual Beer Olympics

BEER OLYMPIAD III

Each year, right before Christmas, a small and mutable band of merry men ditch work, forgo responsibility and celebrate the wonder of bar games. My friends and I take a Friday off from work and start the day—usually a little worse for wear—at 99 Miles to Philly. Sometime around noon (12:30, who are we kidding?), we indulge on cheesesteaks, steel our nerves and start the day which consists of any variety of bar games. The standards are bowling, pool, photo hunt (erotic, of course), Big Buck Hunter, darts, and a half-time event of a yard race. We split into teams of two and commence. The scoring is kept simple: first place gets five points, second gets fourth etc.—depending on the number of teams.
This year, the third installment of these most sacred of games, we had only three teams. However, over the years, we have seen many participants come and go. There are a few regulars and a few stand-ins, who save the day when a partner must bail for any variety of reasons.
This year, six slackletes were confirmed for the opening ceremonies: Adi, Mike, Rade, Bee, my brother Will, and me. We had a few possible late-comers, which can throw quite a wrench in the works, but who can also save the day when a drunken slacklete is suffering.
Again, the day starts at 99 Miles, where cheesesteaks are consumed to steady the stomach for the first $18 pitchers of Budweiser at Bowlmor lanes. Unfortunately, Bowlmor is too conveniently proximal to 99 Miles not to patronize, because it is get-you-over-a-barrel expensive. Nonetheless, we persisted. Teams were drawn out of a hat—Rade and Mike, Bee and Adi, and my brother and me. Somewhere in our third frame, a group of no less than 372 nine-year-olds appeared and started screaming, removing bowling balls from the return racks, and generally needing smacking. We ordered another gold leaf Bud pitcher and rolled on. Will and I came in second thanks to Will’s 10th frame heroics and Adi’s tendency to choke in this event*.
After Bowlmor, we made an executive decision. The Bar Games Olympics Gaming Committee (BGOGC) decided to rule against pool in the second round, voting in a new event, long board shufflepuck. So, we headed over to Plug Uglies where a round robin grudge match ensued. Will had to leave to drive his now-fiancee to the airport. I called in some substitutes and we moved onto the half-time show—the yard race.
The yard race is the real beer event of the day. Though each other competition is complemented by beer of some kind, this is the only event which rewards intake capacity. A pure timed event, the yard race occurs at The Ginger Man, the famous Texas transplant here in our fair city. The yard is equivalent to somewhere around seven pints. It is a tall, stretched hourglass shape, requiring quick drinking at the beginning and deft lifting of the heavy lower bulb towards the end of the event. Last year, a record of 48 seconds was set. This year, with Vinnie timing our progress, and Owen standing in for Will, Adi and Bee set a new record of 38 seconds, while Rade and Mike came in at a none-too-shabby 45 seconds. Owen and I, due to poor communication during the pass of the glass, came in at about 1:07; yet another reason why one must commit to the full complement of events.
From the Ginger Man, we make our longest trek of the day to Jack Russell’s pub. Though we prefer a one-venue-one-event system, JR’s affords Buck Hunter and pool. Just down the block is what could be considered BGO HQ—Brady’s. Brady’s, along with downtown Basra, is a UNESCO heritage site for most depressing place on earth. It is where we used to go as a group every Thursday for “happy hour,” which meant drinking crap beer from 10pm until 3am, and ruing every passing moment of our Friday work day. It is where, we assume, we came up with the asinine idea of using Paid Time Off to do what we would do on any given night. It is where we play Photo Hunt, because it reminds us all of a time when we were young, underpaid, and full of wrath against our jobs. Mike is invariably the best Photo Hunt player I have ever seen. Owen is invariably the most schizophrenic. Rade is quite easily the most belligerent. With time winding down on the first game (you get $1 worth of games, which is two games), Owen reached over and poked at nothing, costing Rade and Mike a turn, as they had plenty of magnifying glasses left (don’t ask me to explain).
Bee’s team managed to win this event by a mere 3,000 points ahead of Owen and me and sealed the deal after we came in second in the overtime game of Cutthroat on the pool table. At this point, we were all a few too many cheap tap beers deep and decided to head home to catch Cash Cab, seeing as Rade, Bee, and I were on. That’s right, the three of us are the winningest Cash Cab players of all time (three seasons) and damn proud of it.

All in all, it was a successful day of gaming. Kudos are due to Bee and his partner who threw the inaugural Olympiad due to a yet-to-be proven points-shaving scandal. Mike and I managed to rally and head out later that night, returning from Brooklyn to Plug Uglies at 3:45am, exactly 12 hours after the official event held there. Sometime after our third game, we felt it was beyond time to go home. Congrats to all the slackletes involved.